I have no idea what had got into me. I'm becoming a more self centered person... Not wanting to mix around with people any more... Its just hard as i really have major mood swings.... I could be happily talking the first minute , the next minute u will see me not talking to any one at all... I have no idea if this is call the mood swing depression or not.. But i just can't seem to control my swings... At the slighter's thing i could actually make a big fuss about it... But what ever it is, after thinking ,much just now by locking my self in the room sobbing, I finally realise, i'm actually lack of some thing... But i still have no idea what the some things is.. I'll try my best to find out... In the meant time, i will just continue being the way i am... After all that's the real me actually...

If you really know me, you will know that i'm a very sensitive person where i do not tell most of the things to those people i do not know... There's alot more in me that i do not tell people... U might be thinking i'm telling you ever single thing, but no.. It really takes a person i really trust to tell those things... N there was only one ... But i guess we lost it already... Any way, thanks sweepie... Even thought the solution you gave wasn't straight to the point, but i still thank you for being there for me... I think your right , i should start to let go, n after all its all about applying buddhism into life... Now i really see things deeper compared to when you first encounter it during our younger days...

Actually i'm also not sure why am i making a big fuss over this friendship issue.... It should be a normal thing but may be its because i never thought i would encounter it again... N i thought the person would be a very best friend since we had alot in common... N after this long, i thought i finally found some one where i could share every thing with... But i was wrong... very wrong...

I express my self in every way... I might write all my feelings in a paper n then burn it... or you would see me writing on the table expressing my self... writing on my personal diary... wondering around in malls, going way to some place no body know me n wonder around... I remembered i even went back to temple to just sit in the shrine hall observing the silence... Looking at the buddha statue thinking i am to do next... Whether i should do this or not.... Contemplating on thing i wanna do, should do and must do.... But in the end i always calm my self down n forgot totally about all the thoughts... I'm a PROBLEMED person.......

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