LiFe Is InDeeD a SuFFerinG

*Up datE* Okay, please forgive me for not keeping my promise. =P I blog earlier than i promise i would not . Hehe I tried not to but i could not hold my self back by using the computer again to blog. Any way, this post would not be those i promised in the previous post. As i really have only limited time to up data a simple one. I better get to the point now. It is actually about a dream i dreamt last night. This dream was very weird. It was about me who choose to kill my self. I was on a vacation overseas with family and with me was my sister and auntie. The interior design in the dream was fantastic. Even the lift is so grand and big which is filled with branded bags. It was so nicely laid on the displayed transparent box. And theres even chairs around for guest to sit in the lift. I forgot how many floors there were but it was many. And the part i remembered most was that i requested to be injected with poisons which would kill in 4 hours with bubbles coming out of my mouth or not...

* up date* As mentioned in the previous post, i went away out of the city for about 3 days. This 3 days really made up the time for me to spent it with my family. I actually had a very bad feeling before this about going as i thought it would end up a disaster to the getaway. But never the less, i went and in fact it turn out to be tremendously the opposite of what i had thought in mind before. And that, it was a good way of repairing the relationship with my parents and siblings. I had always fought with my sisters especially the one who is just 5 years younger than me. I always thought to my self that she always find other people's fault and never look on hers at all. But i realise that i was wrong after the end of the 3 days. May be all this while i have under look on her. She was not very compromising in the beginning when we were about to leave the house as there was a slight argument about our personal belongings. But later upon reaching the destination, things began to move ...

Some how i have begin to let go of all the things i always thought i would have it for life... And it feels good to let go of the burden... All this while the burden had been adding... It is a difficult decision, but i hope you guys would respect my decision... We will still be best of friends... Its just minus the togetherness that's all... Don't worry about how I'm to live the rest of the 3 months... Cuz i know i will survive... Thanks alot for the care n share of all this while we were together.... Hope for the best for all of you... *Pls : when you come and talk to me, pls let it not be asking me why or try to convince me... LOvE lots, Hui-LIng ___________________________________________________________________ * up date* Will be away from home for 3 days.... Will only be back on mon.... Going on a trip..... Hopefully every thing will turn out fine.... Lets hope it would be a good break away from stress..... Till then.... *next post* -unexplainable-

I came across some thing very interesting today... And i decided to blog about it... Its happened when i was having my G.P class in college.... We were asked to list down ten points about a certain topic... And the topic i decided to choose was "PEOPLE ENJOY LYING FOR MANY REASONS" They enjoy lying as they would get attention they want from others. They lie just for the sick to be accepted into a group. They lie also to protect themselves from being blamed They also lie for the fun of it. They lie to get others into trouble. They lie to plot a certain scenario. They lie to get sympathy from others. They lie just to back stab. They lie just to create topics to talk. They think that it is cool. It just came to me instantly when i read through the list of question. And i just can't help but to keep writing about all the pros about it... Some how when the person siting next to me asked how i could list so many down.... I briefly answer her that it was because i had experience...

I have to admit before this that i am angry to post such things.. But the true reason behind it is because you just annoys me... And that actually i don't hate you, its just that i can't bring my self to forgive you, or more i would not want to associate with you... Since i still don't sense your repentance, i'm sorry i would like to avoid... A person will never know when the bad side will come out again... And deep down, i actually have let it go a long time ago... It was just because i was annoyed this few days that i wrote that.... But as i said, i just still can't forget... Forgive is a matter of time.... N i can tell, i am beginning to forgive but still i refuse to forget... N i do not want to forget.... And as in kalama sutta, it says"ASSOCIATE WITH THE WISE AVOID THE FOOLISH" learn from those you can and avoid those that influence you to the worst... Therefore, i wish you could forgive me for my selfishness... I am too trying to perfect and protect ...

Had been away from the city for the weekend... And alot have been thought about life... And also problems that occurred since the beginning of the year.... Things i have ignore to think about because i was worried i would come out with an irrational solution... But i finally got the courage to do so... Along the way to the country side,i saw things we would never notice even in the city... It was about a few old indian man doing their job even it was already 5 some thing , going to be 6 on a Saturday evening... As for us city people, when Friday comes, we would be very exited even on the Thursday night it self, thinking that tomorrow would be the last day of the week to work... And at 4.30 or 5 for some, would start packing their bags happily leave the office to go back and spend time with their family or if not they would head to a club for happy hour... Where else those living in the rural or suburban area, they would still have to prepare to wake up early in the morning the next day...

Just don't know what had got into me, but i seem to be more down than usual... May be its because i'm changing? But i really have no idea.. Hopefully i will get to know soon 2... Any way, things had happened without you knowing.. Its just so quick that it happened and passed without you knowing... Hopefully i would be ale to find th3 way out soon.. Don't want to be stuck here for long... Till then..... wait for my good news......

I just don't know how to bring my self to forgive her. N instead to forgive her, i hate her even more inside now. I just can't seem to forget the lie she told me.. N even more , backstabbing me... N i have told my self never to forgive such people... As this isn't the first time already... I can be very nice ... But once u go over the board, i'm sorry u'll have to wait for your next life ... N even u really repent, u have 2 earn back the trust... I can't be giving it to u just because every body thinks that u have repent... N i would still go on my stand even if it means losing every thing... To other people , u have already repent.. But i just know u 2 well that u won't... The time we been thru have proved it... N i'm not making the same stupid mistake again. N with ur kind of character u just won't.... U might think i'm naive with my looks , but tell u some thing, i'm not.... I'm not that naive to believe u have changed.... Ur innocent ...